How Deep Will the Next Hole Go?

Deeply frustrating time with travel insurers.

Some of the countries I'm going to have appeared on the FCO's warning list - two on the 'we advise against all but essential travel to' list, and two on the 'do not go there' list.

So I rang my insurers to check how or if this changes the status or details of my two year 'worldwide' policy.

Chap 1 says yes, I can't go to any of these places. If I do, I'm not only uninsured, but it invalidates my whole insurance policy, and they won't pay out on any claim whatsoever.He offers to cancel my insurance.

I ask to speak to Head Office.

Chap 2 says no, it depends upon where in these countries I'm going. Indonesia, for example - Borneo is a completely different landmass to Bali, and things may be very different there. He checks the wording of my policy, and starts asking where in each country I want to visit. He's actually slightly rational - although he doesn't check that what I'm saying about the FCO list is correct (it was slightly out of date - Malaysia isn't on their list anymore, India now is).

I get cut off.

Chapess 3 says yes, I can't go to any of these countries. If I do, all the insurance is cancelled, whether I claim or not. If I get sick in France, they won't pay out if they have any suspicion that I have in the entire insurance period travelled to any of the countries on the FCO list.
No, Chapess 3 asssures me, Chap 2 could not have said that, he doesn't work there, nobody male works the travel desk. (thinks: but ....)
I ask her if I'm insured for cancelling or amending the flights I've already bought to Thailand. No. They won't pay out for that either.
What if I accidentally travel to a country I didn't realise was on the list? No. If I unwittingly cross their invisible line, my insurance is invalid.
She offers to cancel my insurance.

So I rang the travel agents. Why sell me flight tickets that I cannot be insured for?

Chap 4 says that's just crap insurance you have there, cancel it. Since when was Indonesia on the list anyway? He's just come back from Thailand himself.
No, I assure him, Indonesia's definitely on the list.
Is it? says Chap 4. I ask him to check for me whether these countries are on the FCO list. He asks the person at the next desk - I can hear him do it. This is hardly what I meant by check. Nah, nah, nah mate, they've never heard of this stuff either.Well, then I'll check.
But in theory, if I wanted to change my plans because the government has advised against all travel to any one country, what would your response be? It depends on the individual airlines. They would contact them to see if the airline has made a policy decision on travel to that country. Whether you can change depends upon whether that airline has responded by cutting the flights.
What you wanna do, he says, is cancel that insurance, and take out insurance with us instead.

I'm feeling so safe in these guys' care. They sound just the sort of capable types upon whom I want my comatose body's safety to depend in an emergency.

So now, I have to check with the FCO again, get my story completely straight, check the wording of my policy, get all this shit in writing, rather than anonymous offhanded contradictory comments from a bunch of guys working the switchboard.

I absolutely have the time and the energy and the patience to do this.

I check the FCO website again. They advise against all travel to parts of India and Indonesia. They advise against all but essential travel to parts of Thailand.

I hadn't noticed before that India was on there. And now Malaysia isn't even on their bloody list anymore. None of the guys who I spoke to even noticed these errors on my part.

Don't you just hate rabbit holes? Don't you just shiver at the thought that these idiots could be in charge of something with meaning or power over anybody else? Don't you just freeze at the thought of having to find out how deep their own personal vortex of misinformation might go?